Raising a twice exceptional child means supporting a student who is gifted and also faces learning or developmental challenges. These children may excel in academics while still struggling with attention, organization, or emotional regulation. In this story, a military family shares their experience advocating for the support their child needs.
(Family story originally published in March 2021 and updated in January 2026)
Why Instructions Can Be Hard for Twice Exceptional Students
I sat down with my son, who looked visibly frustrated, and looked over his homework. “Mom, I don’t understand what my teacher wants me to do. I don’t know if I can do this.” Although my son was in Honors classes and scored at the top of his class in most subjects, his diagnoses of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) still made schoolwork difficult for him. The two conditions combined made it harder for his brain to comprehend the instructions and break them down into steps. This can lead to frustration, feeling overwhelmed, and, eventually, to him shutting down.
Supporting Executive Functioning During Schoolwork
This time, his Honors Language Arts teacher wanted him to write an essay about one of the poems they had read in class. The instructions said to summarize the article and to describe how a theme in the story related to a recurring theme in modern times. I knew the instructions’ vagueness would overwhelm him and cause him to shut down, so I sat down and helped him draft an outline for his essay. I helped him break down his essay into separate paragraphs, each with a separate point attached to it. This way, he could do the work without becoming overwhelmed.
A Parent’s Perspective on Growing Up Twice Exceptional
I know my son’s struggle all too well. Not just because I am his mother, but because I have ADHD as well. However, I remained undiagnosed until adulthood. Throughout my adolescence, I faced similar struggles with learning, even though I was a “straight A” student and placed in gifted programs. When an assignment didn’t break down the instructions, or when I didn’t watch the teacher demonstrate the steps, I struggled to complete the work. I often felt overwhelmed. Teachers frequently dismissed or overlooked my struggles because they saw me as “gifted,” and I still turned in the work. It wasn’t until adulthood that I was able to overcome some of these obstacles. Even then, I sometimes have to ask for directions when I can’t figure it out.
When Early Struggles Go Overlooked in Twice Exceptional Kids
His diagnosis didn’t happen overnight, either. Military doctors dismissed my son’s struggles as “just being a boy” for seven years, and during that time, he showed behavioral issues and missed assignments. After all of this, I finally sought an evaluation, and doctors diagnosed him with ADHD and ASD. After his diagnosis, he was placed on a 504 plan that his teachers followed at best.
I soon learned that, along with an inability to focus and sit still, my son had trouble with his executive functioning as a result of his ADHD. This means that his working memory and ability to think outside the box are impaired. I would find completed assignments crumpled in his backpack without his name on them all the time, as well as progress reports and other communications he “never got” from his school. He had a lot of trouble staying organized, which led him to lose and even forget that he had completed an assignment his teacher told him was missing.
Navigating 504 Plans and Denied IEP Requests
About a year after he was placed on a 504 plan, I found out through a local special needs group on social media that I had the right to request an Individualized Education Program (IEP) meeting based on his diagnosis and continued struggles. However, the school denied me an IEP meeting twice based on his “academic competency”, meaning his test scores were well above average and he didn’t require any “educational” accommodations. Apparently, his inability to focus, stay organized, and maintain working memory didn’t impede his education. I was furious and knew I had to try again. This time, though, I would be armed with knowledge regarding federal law. Thank God for Google.
The third time I asked for an IEP meeting, about six months later, I went in with knowledge of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). I quoted what I had learned to explain why they couldn’t legally deny me. My request was granted, and I was able to get my son on a behavioral IEP, despite the misgivings of the school psychologist. His 504 plan was transferred to his IEP. The implementation requirements included regular communication from his teachers and strategies to support his poor executive functioning.
Understanding That Learning Is Not One Size Fits All
My son’s and my experiences have taught me that learning is not “one size fits all.” Test scores and academic prowess, based on his participation in class, led to his other struggles being overlooked for years, just as mine were. My own educational experiences have equipped me to better help my son overcome the executive functioning deficits that often impede his performance. They have also given me a louder voice to fight for him to receive the help he needs from a flawed system. This system continues to overlook kids who have similar difficulties. I will continue to advocate for children like us well after he graduates. Every child deserves to be seen, heard, and have a quality education.
How Military Families Can Access Support and Evaluations
Parents have the right to request an evaluation at public expense under Part B of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) for special education services. Schools must respond in a reasonable timeframe. You can request evaluations whenever you believe your child may need additional support. This is especially important for twice exceptional children who are gifted but also face learning or developmental challenges.
For active duty families, you can also use Tricare insurance to get referrals to specialists such as child psychologists, neuropsychologists, speech-language pathologists, occupational therapists, or ENT providers. Testing may be available at no cost under Tricare Prime or with a deductible under Tricare Standard.
To start the process, you can download a sample letter to request a special education evaluation from your local public school district for anyone from birth to age 21. Send it to both your principal and the district’s head of special education. We strongly recommend doing this in writing to create a paper trail of your request.
About the Author
Jillian Johnson is a proud Air Force spouse, Slytherin, and all-around creative soul. She is a digital content creator for Blue Star Families and holds academic training in Psychology with a focus on child and adolescent development. Jillian is an active volunteer in her military community and enjoys reading, music, gaming, and crafting in her spare time. She and her husband share three children and three beloved pets.
There are a variety of options available for children that have been diagnosed with ADHD but the most important thing for the future well being of the child is to get diagnosed as early as possible.
Interesting! Thank you for sharing such an informative article about raising a gifted child with adhd. This is an eye opener for me and would love to hear more about amazing insights like this in the future
Raising a gifted child with ADHD comes with unique challenges and opportunities. The advice to focus on strengths and interests while managing the challenges is so valuable. Thanks to the author for shedding light on this important topic and providing guidance for parents navigating this journey.
In my own Google research, I stumbled upon your and your son’s. My son is also ADHD, ASD and has high academic achievement. I could have written this myself! I am glad to know I am not alone. Thank you!