Navigating Cancer and Deployment Reintegration
Over four years ago, I was diagnosed with advanced Stage 3C breast cancer. It is a very aggressive form of breast cancer that spread beyond my breasts and lymph nodes. As if this wasn’t hard enough, the diagnosis came two weeks after a very, very, very long COVID-19 deployment. My spouse came home to his entire world flipped upside down. Cancer came to add a little spice to our already salty life. Is this what the military meant by “Reintegration?”
Balancing Health and Care: Insights from a Caregiver
My first article, “Caregiving with Cancer,” was published in June 2022. I discussed the challenges of balancing my health needs with caring for my neurodivergent children. I recognized the importance of accepting help and allowing myself to prioritize self-care amidst the tumultuous journey of cancer treatment.
Advocating for Myself: Lessons Learned
My years advocating for my special needs children have prepared me to advocate for myself as a patient. Being a caregiver who also needs care has taught me great empathy with our special needs children.
I understand how exhausting doctors’ offices can be. I also know how to explain best my needs and the care necessary to be my best self. What didn’t prepare me was how to hand over those advocating gracefully reigns to my loving spouse and other family members who stepped into my default parenting shoes for the year-plus time our family needed intense support and help.
Embracing Growth Amidst Challenges
I want to say that it was a graceful transition for all involved, but it wasn’t. There were successes and triumphs, but there were many days of tears from all parties involved. There were missed appointments, medications, and weeks when the routine was missing. We all ached for what was as we learned what is.
Finding Grace and Resilience
After four years and many surgeries, chemotherapies, and hospitalizations, I’m a new person inside and out. Not from cancer exactly, but because I’ve learned how to give myself grace when things don’t go as anticipated, how to admit when things are overwhelming, and how growth happens even if it’s not linear or predictable. I’ve learned the limitations of my new body and have experienced growth after growth as I rebuild myself into the person I’m meant to be. I’ve known to be okay with sitting in the hard and the yuck, giving space and time for pain, not rushing through it, but allowing it to breathe.
Accepting Special Needs as Part of Self
Like my children, my special needs aren’t going to go away. They are who I am and not a problem that needs fixing. Instead, I have made the world around me meet me where I’m at versus trying to force myself into a world that isn’t as accommodating as it once seemed.
About the Author
As a proud Navy military wife of 12 years, Meg Graves is no stranger to the hardships of military life. Meg and her husband share three children, two of whom are neurodivergent and in the EFMP. Meg, also of EFMP status as a breast cancer survivor, has first-hand experience in advocating for her children’s unique needs. Breast cancer has taught her that we all have our version of hard.
She has been front and center, listening and helping create change for other families at the local school level, for all exceptional children, through her roles as a special needs educator and Special Education Advisory Committee (SEAC) member.
Meg has empowered, led, and encouraged other military families as their needs and families grow and change. Her role as a Navy Family Ombudsman and Air Force Key Spouse at Joint Commands has given her insights into how EFMP differs between service branches. Meg graduated in 2004 from Millersville University as a dual major with a Bachelor of the Arts in English and a Bachelor of Science in Speech Communication, focusing on Communication Theory. She then pursued graduate coursework, focusing on Special Education and English as a Second Language education. Meg began working as Partners in PROMISE’s Volunteer Coordinator in 2022.
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