Transitioning from Active Duty to Reserve

Introduction to Our Military Life Journey

My husband was an active-duty service member for ten years. We have endured two deployments, countless training missions, and multiple moves. He was an Armor Officer in the United States Army. I was his spouse – a mental health therapist and special education advocate. I recently successfully defended my dissertation, but I am his military spouse, nonetheless, lol. Throughout his active-duty career, we had two amazing sons. They are now eight and six, entering 3^rd and 1^st grade, and are also in special education.

Balancing Career and Family as a Military Spouse

Ten years in active-duty land as a military spouse is not for the weak. I was often handling the bulk of the home responsibilities alone. I mean, my husband deployed both times our children were born. I don’t think he has ever gotten over that. During his active-duty career, I fought to keep my career while maintaining our home. This transition was a mix of relief and stress for me. See, I’m late diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. I also have fibromyalgia and hypothyroidism, which means I have medical needs. I don’t do change so well, especially when that change is out of our hands.

The Challenges of Military Transitions

My husband had flirted with going from active to reserves for a while and finally told me, “I’m doing it, I’m dropping my packet, and change is coming.” My first immediate thought was anxiety. While the military lifestyle has many stressors, it also has some stability: healthcare, basic housing allowance (so you know rent is paid), and a guaranteed paycheck. My next thought was relief: We could be closer to a robust support system and not have to move schools every two to three years. My oldest is only going to 3^rd grade, and he has attended three schools. Also, I can build my businesses, so those are positives. The most pressing thought was navigating this new landscape as a parent and mother responsible for two little lives. The last time I worried about rent and healthcare was when I was a single woman.

Navigating the Uncertainties of Military Life

Questions circling through my head were:

What are the reserve unit options? Where are they located?
Where is the best school located? What does state law require for enrollment? (Our children were coming from a DODEA school, and this was our first time getting to choose the area we would live).
When will he receive his last active-duty check? What does that mean for rent? What does that mean for healthcare? What do the reserve checks and benefits look like?
How much time can I take away from working to get the kids adjusted and set up in their new schools?
How will the kids do with the transition?

These are all thoughts that circled in my mind and continue to stress me out as we transition. While my husband was going through a skill bridge program, going to his VA appointments, and preparing to return to school, we still knew that seeing those benefits would take time. Time to get a VA rating. Time to get a civilian job and a civilian paycheck. Time to get money from going back to school. So, what do I recommend you do to help make the transition smoother for you as the spouse and your military-connected children?

Recommendations for a Smooth Transition

Look into how healthcare transfers work—are you going from Tricare PRIME to TRICARE Reserve, TRICARE Select, or CHAMP VA?
Make sure to get a 90-day supply of all your meds – this is pretty standard depending on the meds prescribed nowadays, but make sure that you have that 3-month supply for yourself, your service member, and your kids.
Make sure you have all your appointments up to date—this includes physicals, screenings, and dental for your kids. I never considered the back-to-school physicals because I was just concerned with wrapping up the school year.
Make sure you have mapped out rent and utilities for the next three months – money will be a factor, and expenses can come up with moving, even though the military does move you.
Secure housing before getting out—where will you live? Apartment, rent a house, own a house, or use a VA loan to buy a house?
Look at when expected income will come in—the last check with leave payout, school money, disability checks, reserve checks, and paychecks from your job. We often know money is coming, but the question is when can you expect it?
Lean on your support – if you are relocating to an area where family and friends are, let them help you! I say that as someone who doesn’t like to ask for help.

Transitioning can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be something you navigate alone! Lean on your support, and check out this link from Military One Source for more guidance, too! You got this!

About the Author – Destiny Huff

Destiny is the proud wife of an Army Armor Officer and the former military brat of a Retired CSM who served 27 years in the U.S. Army. She is a late-diagnosed Autistic and ADHD, a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavior Therapist, and Certified Supervisor who has worked with military service members and their families as a mental health professional.

Destiny received a Bachelor of Science in Psychology from Georgia Southern University and a Master of Science in Clinical-Counseling Psychology from Valdosta State University. She recently successfully defended her dissertation, Exploring Therapists’ Use of Bibliotherapy Strategy for Military Children, at Walden University for her PhD in General Psychology.

In 2022, Destiny received a crash course in special education and IEPs when her oldest son was diagnosed with Autism. After advocating early on for her youngest son, who has a Speech Delay, she learned the importance of having to advocate in the school setting. Destiny became a Special Education Parent Advocate and Master IEP Coach to help other families advocate for their children and prevent them from going through what her family went through.