Learn how the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) supports military families with neurodivergent children, as shared by a parent who faced homeschooling challenges during COVID-19. After years without EFMP assistance, she reflects on the support she could have received. Discover Partners in PROMISE’s customizable special education binders, designed to empower military families.
EFMP: Four Letters Lost On Me
I didn’t know the EFMP existed until we bumped into a military family my husband knew from work at an evening Book Fair event at my kids’ school ten years ago. At the time, I had been married to my husband for 13 years, and we had two children, one with a speech delay and the other with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).
I will never forget the beautiful young girl sitting in a wheelchair with her dad, my husband’s coworker, beside her. He explained to my husband, a Major at the time, that the Army was letting his family stay at his current duty station instead of making them go through a permanent change of station (PCS) because his daughter had severe physical and intellectual disabilities.
The city closest to our small town provided excellent care for her, and the next duty station could not guarantee continuity of care for her extensive needs. Even during that brief encounter, I pondered what the man meant when he said four simple letters, “EFMP.”
At that time, Noah was in kindergarten, and Oliver was in third grade. We were living off-post like we always did. This was also the year that COVID-19 shut our schools down and shifted to virtual learning. Amid the pandemic’s chaos, I forgot about EFMP and took a full-time role as a homeschool teacher.
Homeschooling Woes
Fast-forward to late summer 2020, when COVID-19 was rampant. A PCS was scheduled for early January 2021. My husband and I decided then that I would homeschool our kids for their first and fourth-grade years.
I set up a classroom in the basement, and the kids started learning side-by-side. About two weeks into homeschooling, Oliver began to have outbursts when he struggled with a new concept. He would write something down, erase it, write it down again, and repeat the process until he had a hole in his paper. Nothing I did would help him relax, and before I knew it, he would be in a full-blown temper tantrum, screaming, throwing whatever was on his desk, and finding it nearly impossible to calm down.
Noah would cover his ears and try to continue to work on his assignments, but he was distracted. Before too long, I was homeschooling Noah in the morning and Oliver in the afternoon. I became increasingly worried about Oliver’s temper tantrums, and on top of that, he began having difficulty falling asleep at night.
Helping Noah
I tried reading chapter books to him before bed, practicing mindful meditation for kids, playing soft music, removing the alarm clock, adding a night light, and developing sleep contracts. Nothing worked. An hour spent in his room to help him fall asleep led to him coming down to my bedroom ten minutes later crying.
Eventually, I made an appointment with an off-post psychologist to see if she could help with my growing concerns for Oliver. However, it was a little too late because we received orders, and I moved with the kids to our new home three months before my husband could join us.
We finished the school year in a town about 45 minutes from our new duty station. I enrolled my kids in public education for the 2021-2022 school year. Oliver continued to experience signs of anxiety at school, and I even had to take him out for a week to work from home so that I could work on calming his fears about being back in a real classroom.
What if I Knew More About EFMP?
I did the work all on my own, but if I had known more about the EFMP program, I would have received even more support, and my struggles would have felt less cumbersome. What if EFMP support services could have helped me during the time I spent homeschooling? The schools may have shut down, but EFMP services never did. What if the EFMP could have helped me when I had to pull Noah out of school?
Knowledge is Power
There may be more military parents like me who are just not presented with the knowledge they should be equipped with from the beginning, especially those living off-post. Some servicemembers entirely separate their work from their home life, causing the spouse to essentially live in the dark about the programs offered for our neurodivergent children. Trust me, I am speaking from experience.
I can talk all day long about how important it is to take advantage of these services, yet I have not done so, mostly because I have gone over a decade without them. However, EMFP enrollment is mandatory, and I will enroll both children. Better late than never!
Partners in PROMISE (PiP) Wants to Help
PiP released the 2022 Educator’s Report on January 31, 2024, which includes research survey findings on challenges serving military special education students. In an open-ended section, a school administrator wrote, “The biggest challenge is lack of knowledge, understanding, and resources to support families by districts that serve them.”
PiP’s Special Education and EFMP Binders
To address this concern, PiP released a customizable special education binder last year that can help empower and equip exceptional military families with everything they need on their own special education journey.
My only regret is not having the PiP binder a decade ago, but I am in the process of completing one for both of my kids and am feeling more empowered than I ever have. Making big changes is difficult, but we can start small by sharing PiP’s binders with friends and family. I hope their military special education journey can be even a little easier than mine.
About the Author
Our author, who prefers to stay anonymous, is employed in education and is dedicated to serving students and educators in various capacities. She is a devoted mom to two children and a military spouse, finding inspiration in life’s ups and downs. Our author enjoys spending her free time reading and volunteering. Her writing aims to inspire others, sharing wisdom gained from life’s journey. For those interested in connecting with our author, email info@partnersinpromise.org.
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