Today, I talked to Frank on the phone. I was frustrated because my patient portal log-in wasn’t working so I *was forced* to contact customer service for technical support. He answered the phone a little slow which automatically made me roll my eyes in further annoyance at an already annoying situation. He was diligent and persistent in his pursuit to help me, but I had to ask him to repeat a few things. Once I took a breath and really started listening, the sound of his speech was familiar: he had a speech impairment. Frank had a speech impairment yet worked in tech support on the other end of the 1-800 number I loathed to dial.
Instantly, my heart sang for him and I was humbled by his bravery.
I thought of my son, now 13, who is autistic and verbally limited. Would he ever be brave enough to try this or something similar? Would a company ever hire him with his disability even if he demonstrated courage and the necessary skills for the job? What opportunities will be available to him, and am I doing enough to increase his chances?
As parents, the long-term goals for our children matter even if we don’t know what those are exactly. And it’s not until we meet a “Frank” that we realize what we’re working for: we want our children to have a life, a job, friends, happiness, and self-defined success.
Looking Forward to a PCS
Getting orders to our next duty station means starting all over. To our family, this is very exciting because we welcome the new adventure. Yes, I’m anxious. Yes, I’m nervous. Yes, I’m wringing my hands in worry because who knows what school system awaits us. But I cannot live in my own fear or trepidation which will choke my son of new opportunities.
Many military families toil with PCS options. For military families with children with disabilities, we toil much the same. The hours we’ve invested into our current duty station and for our children’s educational needs to be met will soon be replicated at a new duty station. New home, new clinic, new therapists (maybe), new school, new everything.
For military families, moving to a new state isn’t always a bad thing. Our move to Georgia proved wonderfully beneficial for both of my sons. And I’ll get my ducks in a row and continue to advocate for them before we land in the new spot and the entire time we stay. We’ll venture to see new places and he’s already looked up how far Legoland is from our future duty station. Perhaps his academics will improve, maybe he’ll make real friends, and maybe, just maybe, I can loosen the grip of fear.
Looking Toward the Future
The essence of special education is academic goals and environmental supports which act as catalysts to gain the skills necessary for success while IN school. What about outside of school and, ultimately, after school? What social groups and experiences does he need to make friends, feel included, and build social confidence? I wonder if boosting the latter will improve the former.
For many years, my focus has been on his educational progress – what he’s learning and how well he demonstrates what he’s learned. But now, I’d like to encapsulate his experiences in and out of school. He’s closer to finishing his school career than ever before. So, instead of focusing solely on this academic year and moving to the next academic year, I want to thoughtfully include his interests, too. Maybe that’s where the secret to unlocking his potential lies.
We can say Frank “defied the odds” to work in a telephonic service industry of technical support. But let’s acknowledge that “the odds” are social constructs of an individual’s value, much like a standard high school diploma, which is the sole achievement of children’s K-12 life. It’s simply not true. We can define success for ourselves and our children with disabilities that don’t rely on an idea of external signs of accomplishment.
When we talk about moving and ask my son if he wants to go, he says “YES” with his whole chest and a big smile. Whatever the next duty station may hold, we move positively with a sense of adventure and a willingness to explore new opportunities.
About the Author – Crystal Mahany
Research Editor & Legal Analyst
A proud wife to an Army Aviator, Crystal has served the military community in many capacities over the last 22+ years and is committed to serving until and beyond her soldier’s retirement. She strongly believes in serving military families and the surrounding community at each duty station.
In 2014, her oldest son was diagnosed with a rare speech disorder and Autism. Two years later, her youngest son was diagnosed with the same speech disorder. These diagnoses thrust her family into the Special Needs and Special Education community. Driven by her passion to help, Crystal went back to school and focused her research on Civil Rights, Disability Rights, and Special Education Law.
Crystal has worked as a paralegal, advocate, policy researcher, and legal analyst in Special Education Law, facilitated panel discussions on protecting the most vulnerable, and taught courses on Special Education as a Civil Right, the importance of the 10th Amendment, and Disability as a Tenet of Diversity. She has been with Partners in PROMISE since its founding, is deeply committed to policy changes to advance education policy and Disability Rights, and serves as Adjunct Faculty at George Washington University.
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